The end of the year means endless round-ups of the year’s highlights and the most influential individuals.
But what about the least influential?
GQ has got them for you. The magazine’s roundup of the 25 Least Influential People of 2012 includes plenty of pop culture types — Amanda Bynes, Madonna, etc. — but also some politicos, including the guy who takes the top spot: Mitt Romney.
“Was anyone inspired by Mitt Romney? Did anyone vote enthusiastically for Mitt Romney?” asks GQ. “Of course not. Voting for Romney is like hooking up with the last single person at the bar at 4 a.m. The only successful thing he did this year was embody every black stand-up comedian’s impression of a white person. Thank God the election’s over. No more endless photos of Mitt staring winsomely off-camera with that attempted smile on his face. No more glaring campaign mishaps week after week after week. No more labored media efforts to make him look like anything other than Sheldon Adelson’s pampered money Dumpster. Good-bye, Mitt. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life quietly ensconced at Lake Winnipesaukee, blissfully ignorant of the plight of anyone who doesn’t have $300 million squirreled away in the Bahamas.”
First lady Michelle Obama comes in at #7. “It was a game effort by the first lady to get Americans to eat healthier. She founded the ‘Let’s Move!’ campaign to get our children to contemplate forward locomotion. She even wrote a book about growing her own vegetables, which many people bought as a passive-aggressive way of telling someone they’re fat. And yet we’re still all hopeless corpulent sh*ts. You tried, Mrs. Obama. You really did. Sorry we’re such poor listeners. Now why not join the winning team and indulge in this delicious pint of Häagen-Dazs Caramel Cone ice cream? It’s so rich and sweet and delectable. Come on. REWARD YOURSELF.”